This post is the fifth in a series. Check out Spanda – moving from disconnection to connection, Tamas and Rajas – the seed of inspiration sprouts, Purifying your physical body  and Purifying your Energetic Body first.

While in this post I am talking to business owners, entrepreneurs and those with a plan to go into business, none of these thoughts or ideas are specific to these areas. Each of the concepts I mention can be applied to anyone!

There are three parts that make up our mind:

First, Manas is the lower mind, through which the mind interacts with the external world and takes in sensory impressions and data. It is our sensory, processing mind. And of course what one person sees will be different from another.

The second part of our mind is called chitta, our memory. Chitta has the ability to colour all of our current and future thoughts. The mind can only handle so much information so it distorts, deletes and generalises based on our past conditioning which gives a warped perception of what is real and unreal.

So how do we know if it’s real or unreal?

The answer: Correct knowledge. Hard facts. Statistics. Not just what you think or what people have said.

Remember that people and businesses buy followers online. They curate their image. They can look successful on the outside and be the exact opposite on the inside. The old adage, “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover,” rings truer than ever.

Seeking correct knowledge doesn’t stop once you’re an established business. I’m always seeking feedback from my clients, customers and staff. And not just from the people I know will give me the ‘good’ feedback, I’m looking for honest, constructive feedback from a large cross section of people.

Having correct knowledge is how you will stay in alignment with your clients and customers. It ensures your thinking is aligned with them as well as the industry and future trends.

In business (and life) we must recognise that just because it didn’t work in the past doesn’t mean it won’t work now and vice versa. Be flexible with your strategy, approach and practices. Your business (and you!) is a living being, constantly growing and evolving. It’s not fixed. Always update your marketing, systems and procedures. Re-innovate. Don’t get trapped in the past, in your memory.

The third part of our mind is ahamkara, the ego. The ego isn’t a good or bad thing! It simply is. It is the part of your mind that says, “I am”.

Acknowledge your ego but know your business is not about you. It’s about them – your clients and customers. It’s about being of service. Good communication is the key, whether you’re business to business or business to consumer. It’s not about what you want. Be open and receptive to everything, collect ideas from customers and staff, but remember the final decision lies with you. Trust in yourself, but don’t let the ego come out on top.

In times where I have let my ego take over and make decisions I have always fallen short. When I have left a state of being of service or when I have twisted ‘the greater good’ to serve my own personal benefit my work has failed.

It is when I am in true alignment and being of service that I stay in flow. For me, being in alignment means serving my higher purpose and being my highest self. It means I am not grasping or striving. It means I am living in the flow, not battling against the current.

Of course, failure is one of our greatest teachers and will always be there. Moving into a clear mind will help us to see this and learn the lessons we were meant to learn without taking it personally.

The unclouded mind

The unclouded mind is the holy grail for entrepreneurs. To reach the state of the buddhi mind or unclouded mind means we have moved into the fourth kosha, vijnanamaya kosha (the power of discernment).

Being in the buddhi mind means we can see the real from the unreal. Our thoughts are no longer coloured by our past conditioning. We can tap into divine wisdom, insight and intuition. We have trust in our decisions when they come from this place. This is where original thought exists. Like I said, the holy grail for entrepreneurs!

Daily Rituals:

• Edit what ‘comes in’. To facilitate a clear mind you have to carefully censor what is coming in. What you watch and listen to. What you read. Who you talk to. Think of this editing process like you are decluttering the mind. This allows space for original thought.
• Morning meditation/stillness/quietness. Cultivate a daily practice. If silence makes you uncomfortable try relaxation music.
• Journaling. Use soul prompts (eg. My heart feels… I’m inspired by… I am grateful because…) or just try a stream of consciousness, words straight from your head onto paper, no editing allowed.
• Dharana (concentration) is one of the eight limbs of Patanjali’s yoga sutras. To practice dharana concentrate on a single point of focus (eg. a lotus flower, a candle flame, a symbol, whatever resonates with you) till you lose yourself within it.
• Spend time in nature. Dig your bare feet in the sand of the beach, take a walk along a bubbling stream or simply earth yourself in the lush green grass.

This post is the fourth in a series. Check out Spanda – moving from disconnection to connection, Tamas and Rajas – the seed of inspiration sprouts and Purifying your physical body first.

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First up, let’s just state the obvious: It’s not easy. At all. And it’s also different for every mum out there.

These are some of my personal thoughts and lessons I’ve learnt so far as mum to my beautiful twins.

Lesson: I am strong because I know my weaknesses

I’m neither particularly gifted in the kitchen or excited to be there after a long day working and training. I know this and I’m lucky enough to have a nanny that loves to cook. I’m 100% okay with not being good at everything and because of that I’m an accomplished delegator.

This is something that I not only do at home, but also in business. I’m very aware that I can’t do it all and I don’t want to! It’s why I’ve surrounded myself with people I trust that can do a better job than I could.

What I know is, without trust, delegation simply won’t work. You can’t be a control freak and delegate. You must hand a task over with complete and utter trust that it will be completed well, on time and in the manner you wanted it to be. Sounds simple, but if you are naturally a detail-oriented person this might be tough – lucky for me, I’m not.

Another game changer for me was getting Amanda Bude, a baby sleep consultant from Groovy Babies, to teach Brad and I strategies to get our twins to sleep. Sleep is so incredibly important if you are working mum, so this was something I didn’t hesitate to do.

I think there is pressure on new mums to have ‘instincts’ or to just ‘know’ what to do when it comes to their babies. I’d never had to get a baby to sleep before (let alone two!) so I didn’t know how. Instead of trying in vain to figure it out on our own, we hired a sleep consultant. The twins have been sleeping twelve hours a night since they were 6 months old, so no regrets there!

Lesson: It’s all continuous improvement

I often say in my yoga classes that it’s “a practice, not a perfect” and I think this is true in most areas of our lives including motherhood.

I’m not a perfectionist and I’m happy for things to be a work in progress. Not only does this apply in my business but also in my personal life.

I don’t expect perfection and that way I’m not disappointed. Things get done and there is always improvement that happens along the way. I’d rather make progress and grow than be be stuck in place because things aren’t ‘perfect’.

Having twins after having no children has been the biggest learning experience of my life and I don’t expect perfection from myself. I thought I worked hard before the twins, ha! Little did I know just how much work a mum has on her plate to keep a household functioning. To expect perfection would be too much to bear.

Lesson: Routine creates freedom

It might seem paradoxical, but I’ve found that having a routine is the best thing I can do to support freedom. A structure to my day lets me fit in all the things I need and love to do.

After a full night’s sleep (thanks Amanda!) I’ll awake for my Zazen seated meditation practice. This 30 minutes sets me up for my day as a mum, a business owner and a spiritual seeker. The discipline to stick to the routine allows my day to play out so much better than it would without meditation.

After meditation I’ll get down to the business of my morning routine with the twins before heading to work. Having specific work and home time allows me both to be a better mother and a better business owner. I’m more present when I’m not trying to be both at the same time.

Lesson: Ignite your passion

Being a mother has made it harder to do a lot of things well. I’ve already touched on letting go of perfection, but I think it’s important to also mention that you need to put time and effort into the important areas of your life.

I feel extremely blessed that I am still able to follow my passion for yoga and Pilates whilst also being a mother. Personally, having this area outside family life is so important to me and makes me a better wife and mother. Going to work and fulfilling my passions means I have no regrets and I can live a wholly satisfying life.

It’s not only my personal passions I’ve had to work on to keep them alive. It’s also taken some work to keep the fireworks going in my relationship with my husband. Brad and I first started with date days after the twins came along – we’d go for lunch or on a hike. The problem was we’d be watching the clock, sometimes hurrying to get back to a work project or to the babies.

With date days not working as we had hoped, we decided we wanted more fun not food, so we gave them up and have instead started dancing lessons at night! We are both physical people so dancing really suits us as we create ‘quality time’ together. Our Zouk dancing lessons are extra special as they are with Csaba the creator of our first dance at our wedding. This special time, heart to heart, has reawakened our relationship. Our relationship is now not only surviving, it’s thriving.

These are just a few things I’ve learnt over the last 10 months and I’m quite certain I’ve got millions more to learn yet. It’s my hope these lessons can help you as a mum or even as a business owner.

I read somewhere once upon a time that we don’t need more teachers, we need more role models. This is something I believe in wholeheartedly as I see a role model as someone who practices what they preach and is living in total alignment and congruency.

I often hear of teachers, coaches and supposed mentors across all industries who are out of alignment. They’re not living congruently with the very things they teach and share themselves. And it shows. I do however understand we are all human and fall off track, make mistakes and change direction. I feel the key is to be honest and know it’s actually more inspiring to be real with the challenges.

This is why when I seek a mentor I look for someone who is completely raw and real, loves what they do and what they do is in total, perfect, clear alignment with who they are and what they stand for.

My personal philosophy is to seek out mentors who are achieving the results I want to achieve myself. And this goes for all areas of my life – professionally, personally and spiritually.

While I believe in qualifications, degrees and diplomas, I don’t think these things necessarily  equal a great mentor. Tony Robbins doesn’t have a business degree, does this mean he’s not an amazing business mentor? I think his success speaks for itself here!

I look for a mentor who has a degree in results rather than business (or whatever area it may be).

How to find a mentor

I’ve been in the health and fitness industry since I was 19 years old and I’ve had many mentors, teachers, coaches and guides in this time. What most of them have in common is that they were the best in their area.

When I wanted to learn to teach Pilates barre I travelled to New York to learn under the original creators of the barre method.

When I wanted to bring Yin yoga to my studio, I travelled to Mexico where I sat at the feet of Paul Grilley who is widely acknowledged as the yogi to bring Yin yoga to the western world.

When I wanted to delve deep into Ashtanga, I practiced with Dena Kingsberg who was a senior student of the late Sri K Patabhi Jois and holds the highest recognised qualification in this method.

I like to go to the ‘source’. Where I can receive direct transmission of the learnings. Where these learnings are as closely aligned to their roots as possible.

When, after gaining 34 kilograms in my pregnancy with the twins, I needed help to lose those last four pesky kilos, so of course I went to someone who gets results.

Mark Robinson from Team 360 not only has three health related degrees (dietitian, exercise science and sports psychology) he also holds the world champion title in fitness modeling. He is currently working with my husband Brad as he prepares for the world fitness model competition in the US. I had a new clean diet plan created and in four weeks, simply by changing my diet, the four kilos were gone – and we all know the last few kilograms are the hardest to lose.

I was successful because I was taught the right strategies from someone who’s zone of genius is in this area. I was working smarter, not harder. This is something I believe we should be doing in all areas of our lives.

The power of knowledge

I see so many people who don’t share their knowledge and strategies, but keep it all close to their chest instead. It’s so sad to see this keeping of knowledge, because the true joy of success is in the sharing.

I made a promise to myself a long time ago to never be like that. Personally, I try to share my own successes in life by being an open book. I share here on my blog, at speaking events, in my teacher training courses and of course on the mat as a yoga and Pilates teacher.

So isn’t it time you surrounded yourself with those who have done it before you? Isn’t it time you found a mentor that doesn’t make claims, but gets results?

This post is the third in a series. Check out Spanda – moving from disconnection to connection and Tamas and Rajas – the seed of inspiration sprouts first!

I believe that during this journey out of the darkness and into the light – out of delusion and into reality – we must work on purifying the three outer layers of our being, the three koshas or ‘sheaths’. Think of the Russian Babushka dolls, we must purify the three outer dolls in order for the inner doll to see clearly.

The first layer we look to purify is annamaya kosha or the physical body. We must first purify the physical form in order to move deeper through the layers. As we work through each layer we move closer to our state of connection and trust.

The physical body includes our blood, bone and muscles. We must incorporate proper food and diet, skeletal integrity, muscle and fascia in our purification. Our aim is holistic health, a balanced body.

Swami Sivananda condensed the essence of yoga into five principles. The first being proper exercise. Proper exercise is all about balance. Balance between the upper and lower body. The right and left. The front and back. Balance between strength and flexibility.

Daily Rituals

Proper exercise

Think about what works for you and your body – proper exercise will look different for each of us. Consider where your health is right at this moment: your muscle and fat percentages; your lung capacity; your current exercise routine; your resting heart rate; and your biological age. Your health professional should be able to help you understand these things better.

I believe that yoga and Pilates are the perfect combination of exercises for a balanced body. But be realistic in your intentions. Maybe right now it’s just about taking the stairs instead of the elevator, standing while answering emails or taking a ‘walking meeting’.

Proper diet

Swami Sivananda’s second principle of yoga was proper diet. But with so many different diets how do you know what is the proper diet for you?

Part of this is about experimenting and testing what foods do work for you and what don’t. You can get an allergy or blood test to find out if you have any sensitivities. Treat it as your very own science experiment.

From my perspective, processed and packaged foods don’t fit in a proper diet. My philosophy is: if it’s whole and from the earth, that’s usually going to work. But of course it always comes back to what personally works for you and your body type.

As with exercise, proper diet has to be realistic and sustainable. Try ‘crowding out’ in the first instance. Eat so much of the good stuff that you’re too full eat the bad stuff!

Once we’ve done the work on purifying the physical body, or annamaya kosha, we turn further inwards to work on prana-maya kosha, your energetic body. This is the layer you’re working on if you visit an acupuncturist or homeopath.

In the next post of the series we’ll move onto purifying the energetic body, including more daily rituals you add to your own routine.

This post is the second in a series. Check out the first post: Spanda – moving from disconnection to connection first!

Stuck in the mud

Think of tamas, the first guna or ‘quality’, as the mud, and ourselves as a seed planted there. That seed is pure potential. We are pure potential.

While you are in the mud you may be lethargic, have no awareness of your own greatness, you may be ignorant. Tamas is a slow, heavy and lazy state.

Tamas is when you’re getting no traction. There is no momentum. Nothing seems to be working. You’re fully disconnected. You’ve lost your vision, your energy, There is no inspiration or direction.

It might feel like groundhog day, like you’re getting nowhere. There is no spark. You’re stuck.

Just like I felt at university.

Spanda reminds us that this is a part of the human condition – we will once again swing the other way, back to connection. So whatever you’re feeling right now, know that it won’t last forever. We can choose to grow, choose for our seed to sprout.

It’s important to remember that nothing in life is static – things are always moving and flowing towards or away from. Just because we are moving forward doesn’t mean we cannot go backwards again in the future.

For many it is easy to fall back into tamas. We use television, alcohol, drugs and drama to stay distracted. We fill the gap – the gaping hole our lack of inspiration has left us with – unhealthily.

But just as we fall back into the mud, so we can again grow out of it.

After my application to San Diego State was initially being rejected, I took my eventual acceptance as a sign – I was meant to go to the US. So off I went.

I thought I was going to America to go to San Diego, but the Universe had something else in store for me.

By chance, I met a friend of a friend on my way down to San Diego who told me he was about to embark on a tour around America with a company called Roadtrip Nation. The tour was to celebrate the Roadtrip Nation documentary, they would travelling across 35 states and airing the film in 29 college campuses over three months.

The Roadtrip Nation film asks, “So what are you gonna do with your life?” And begs of you to, “define your own road in life instead of traveling down someone else’s.” (Follow your passions)

Beyond cool! I wanted in.

There were a few very sought after promo positions on the tour still available, and I got the chance to interview for one of them. I was young, fresh and had experience in marketing on university campuses. I was in. Catch you later university, it was time to get out of the mud.

Igniting my passion

The second guna is rajas, a state of energy, movement and inspiration. Rajas can be movement in either direction or a ‘spinning of the wheels’ when you can’t get traction.

The activity of rajas is in stark contrast to the laziness and lethargy we felt in tamas, in the mud. It is the growing stage – from the seed of pure potential comes a sprout of vibrant inspiration.

And inspired I was!

Each and every day on the Roadtrip Nation tour I was living their mantra: follow your passion, do what you love. I was sharing incredible stories from inspirational people who had built lives that many could only dream of. And those lives that weren’t created to earn money – but rather, lives driven by purpose, contribution and passion.

As we moved from campus to campus in our bright green RV I grew more and more certain – the secret to success wasn’t necessarily found in a university degree, it was simply in doing what you loved.

Coming back to Australia from the America my life looked like it was going to fall back into old routines…  my old retail job, doing the same old thing… Just existing. Going through the motions.

But something had been ignited within. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew what I wanted to achieve. I just didn’t have the details yet.

Feeding the flames

Everything is a thought before an action. We have that bright idea. Maybe we were inspired internally, maybe from an external source – the point is we have the spark of inspiration, our passion has been ignited. We start to dream: “Imagine if I could do this!”

Our seed has sprouted towards the sun. It’s time to do the work – watering and fertilising our vision.

But, even in the fire of rajas, we can lose our trust in ourselves. Even when we feel super inspired, we can doubt ourselves.

“What if I lose it all?” “What if I fail?” “What if I ruin my passion by making into work?”

To be perfectly honest, all of these things could happen. But it’s time to minimise the risk.

Two words: market research. Is your passion/project/idea profitable? Are you in the right location? Do you have the population to support your idea? Is supply and demand in your favour? Is the industry growing or retracting? Can you actually make money? And is that enough money to support the lifestyle you envision?

As someone who has been in business for twelve years, I have seen many passionate, beautiful people have their spirits shattered, their souls crushed when their ideas have fizzled because they weren’t well researched.

This research is a part of doing the work of rajas. And it never ends. You will constantly be revisiting these questions. Innovation never stops. Investment in yourself will always be necessary. Building trust in yourself is a journey – not a destination.

After my trip to the US I knew it was time for me to do what I loved. It was time to be truthful to myself – not to society, my parents (who were incredibly supportive anyhow) or to anybody else.

Even though I wasn’t technically ‘good’ at yoga I still wanted to be a yoga teacher, I had the heart and the passion for it. I wanted to share the experience of yoga with everyone. I believed in the outcomes of yoga with every bit of my heart and soul.

It’s this deep rooted passion for yoga that has made my business sustainable and successful. My long term vision sits outside of numbers, dollars and the usual business milestones (although I understand these things are still incredibly important). My vision is about being of service, helping others and sharing yoga with the world. This allows me to grow, shift, change and adapt to the market. As long as I’m sharing yoga, I’m on the right track. My eyes are wide open and I’m continuously learning.

A vision without trust isn’t worth much though, so I’m constantly clearing and purifying my body and mind so I can stay in connection, in flow.

In the next post of the series we’ll dive into how I purify my body and mind so I can continue to trust in myself and the decisions I make in both business and life.

Building trust in yourself, your ideas and your vision is crucial.

So what do you do when you don’t trust yourself? When doubt sneaks in? When things feel heavy and disconnected?

First, know this: you are not alone.

Secondly, there are steps you can take to build, develop and amplify trust in yourself.

As a devoted yogini and founder and operator of Essence of Living Pilates and Yoga studio on Australia’s Gold Coast, I lean heavily on the teachings of those yogis who have gone before me.

There is much to be learnt about business, motherhood, life… and all things in between from yoga and I want to share with you just some of those teachings over the next few months.

This post is the first in a series where I’m going to tell you some of my personal story along with some integral yogic principles which have helped me along the way. Enjoy!
It wasn’t until I learnt the Sanskrit word spanda that I truly understood the parallels between yoga and business.

‘Spanda’ is one of the six principles of Tantra Yoga and is derived from the Sanskrit root spadi, which means ‘to move a little’. It’s usually translated to mean ‘motion’ or ‘vibration’. Most importantly, it teaches us that we are constantly moving between connection and disconnection.

When we are feeling connected (to ourselves and others, the world, the Divine) it is easy to trust.

When we sit in disconnection we invite doubt. We feel guilt and lack clarity and direction.

Sound familiar?

In yoga we see this disconnection as darkness and delusion, we see it as tamas… More on tamas in a future blog post.

When I was just 21 I left Australia to complete a semester abroad at San Diego State University. I’d decided that I needed to mix things up a bit, going to university in Australia wasn’t what I had imagined so why not give America a go?

I’d never been a particularly good student at school and I struggled with mild dyslexia, but I thought university was the step I had to take to become a successful business owner. Turns out I was learning more from the three jobs I had on the side, than in class. Working out in the real world – in retail, as a bootcamp instructor and as a marketing director for a club – was teaching me to connect, communicate, build a brand and so many other skills, so highly prized in business. No wonder my attendance at university was atrocious and my grades not much better.

I had was no connection to the degree, but I wasn’t a quitter. I felt disconnected. I felt lost. I felt like I was in the mud and I couldn’t see where connection would once again appear.

To be continued.

For those of you who do not already know, I recently sold Essence of Living Southport to one of my best friends, Libby Wever. The Southport space will be transitioning into a yoga and pilates studio, Soul Centre, as of 1st December 2016. The studio sale was not anticipated, and it certainly was not an easy decision for me to make; however, since the birth of my twins, it has become apparent that I needed to make some changes. Since becoming a mum, I have been over-stretched, in every direction, and unable to deliver in the way I aspire to, both professionally and personally. I can only now fully appreciate the amount of work and commitment it takes to be a mother (not to mention a multiple-birth mother), and I totally understand why so many professional women make a change from full-time to part-time work after the birth of their children. I am fortunate enough to be able to make that choice, and after owning and running Essence of Living for over 12 years, I have decided that I want to simplify. Don’t get me wrong, I love Essence of Living just as much today as I did the day I started. In fact, I think I love it more! I honestly can’t imagine my life without it; however, less is more for me these days and I want to practice what I preach and live a balanced life. I would like to focus more of my energy on my twin babies and my long-term passion for delivering quality teacher training courses.

After much contemplation and consideration, I have decided that time is one thing you can never get back, and therefore I need to be more particular about where, and on what, my time is spent. Especially now whilst my babies are young, I want to enjoy this sacred time with them, knowing that once they get older, they won’t want to hang out with me as much. I certainly have formed some serious attachments around my babies and can understand why classical yogis do not have children, thus minimizing their attachment issues. I wouldn’t ever call myself a traditional yogini, rather just an everyday woman who draws upon the ancient yogic philosophy to attempt to live a kind and compassionate life in the modern world. I always knew I wanted to be a mum, but I never imagined I would love it as much as I do. It is for this reason that Brad and I are seriously considering expanding our family further, if the universe aligns for us next year. With this addition, one studio will be more than enough for me to manage whilst juggling babies, especially because I apparently have a high probability of having another set of twins (can you imagine)! I’ve already told Brad that we will need a bigger 7-seater car and a 5-bedroom house so we can fit everyone and everything in if we do. I am really happy with my decision, and firmly believe that the Southport studio is in the best possible hands. The sale will allow me to now refocus on my first baby, Essence of Living Mermaid Beach, and my new family at home.

Well it’s been a month since the arrival of my two little angels, Kobe Jimmy Cassidy and Grace Evie Cassidy. I cannot believe how fast the last month has gone, and yet the last month of my pregnancy was the longest 4 weeks of my life; the difference is astounding. The twins were born Monday 13th July, at 36 weeks and 5 days, making them both Gemini (which I think is very auspicious) and born in the year of the Monkey. The birth was an absolute dream, as it was a scheduled caesarean, so there was completely no stress or drama in the lead up to the birth (other than my lack of sleep, from excitement). Both of my babies were breeched, meaning that they were facing bottom-first, and therefore a natural delivery was out of the question. When we arrived at Gold Coast Private Hospital at 6am, there was no mucking around. By 7.49am, Kobe arrived into the world weighing a grand total of 2480 grams, and at 7.52am Grace arrived slightly heavier, weighing in at 2550 grams. We weren’t exactly sure what we were going to call Kobe as we had two names in the shortlist, but because he peed on Bridget, one of my oldest and best friends, who just happened to be the assistant surgeon for my delivery, and then poked his tongue out at us to say his first hello, Brad felt Kobe was a more appropriate name for our cheeky boy than Kai.

Both of my babies were in the Special Care Unit for a few days, as Grace’s sugar levels were low, and they decided to put them both in there so that they could be together while Grace was monitored. The hospital care was second to none. I had my own midwife on call 24/7, to ensure both the babies and I were healing and adjusting well. The pediatrician kept us in for an extra 2 days (a total of 7 days) to give the twins a little extra support and strength to go home. We went back to the hospital twice in the first week for a weigh-in, to ensure they were growing and progressing well at home, which was really great for peace of mind. From then, we had Child Health visit our home once a week for the following two weeks to weigh and measure the babies, ensuring they were growing well and to make sure that I was coping with being a new mum. This is an amazing free service that the government provides for all new mums, and I highly recommend taking advantage of this complementary service. Both of the twins were growing above the average expected amount, which I was really happy with, as my milk supply had been low and I’d been topping up their feeds with goats milk formula. Between the two of them, they are consuming 1.5 liters of milk a day and I am only expressing 1 liter a day. At first, I was really upset, and felt like a failure, but considering I’m having to feed two babies, and getting minimal sleep, this is apparently not unusual. To try and increase my milk supply, I have been eating every time I express, I have 6 Fenugreek tablets a day, 3 Mothers Support herbal teas a day, 6 encapsulated placenta pills a day (yes my placenta… all 2kg of it!) and 3 liters of water a day. I’ve spoken to lactation consultants, midwives and nurses, and they have all agreed that there isn’t anything more I can do. So, knowing that I’m doing all that I can, I have made peace with having to top up the babies’ feeds with formula.

The game changer for us, was when our nanny Kylie started, as she has been a godsend. She comes to the house 5 days a week for just 4hrs each morning, but in that time she helps me feed the babies, baths the babies, does the washing, feeds the dogs, unpacks the dishwasher, does the grocery shopping if needed and prepares meals for lunch and dinner that day. Seriously, I call her super nanny and I couldn’t be happier with her, or more thankful for her. I told her that I feel like she has 4 kids to look after, as she also looks after Brad and I. Kylie has been a nanny for 15 years and has a special interest in, and passion for, newborn babies, so she has been extremely helpful and informative. From the first time we had to cut Kobe & Grace’s fingernails, to the first time Grace was really sick, she was there to help me handle the situations. Even little things, like waking up to Shiva, my little dog, peeing on the babies play mat to mark his territory, as he had been feeling a little left out since the twins arrived. She cleaned it all up without being asked, and it was just another thing she handled to ensure I didn’t get overwhelmed during my sleep deprivation.

Now that we have Kylie, I feel more confident and comfortable with the possibility of having more children. If I didn’t have her, or someone like her, more children would be far less appealing. In saying that, I also have the most amazing hands-on husband a girl could dream for. Brad helps me feed and change the babies’ nappies at least half of all the feeds, which makes a huge difference. One of the benefits of expressing, is that it allows Brad to experience an intimate connection with the babies during feeding, that normally only a mother has the privilege of enjoying. I hired my Medela Symphony breast pump from the Australian Breastfeeding Association, which is a hospital grade bad boy, to ensure that I can pump in the shortest amount of time, with maximum results. Every extra minute pumping is a minute taken away from sleeping. After a month of not sleeping during the day, I have started to take an afternoon siesta, as the sleep deprivation was really starting to catch up. Luckily, Brad does one whole feed a day for me, normally the early morning shift, which allows me to get around 4hrs unbroken sleep, which is a dream, literally. Normally, I only get 1-2hr power naps between feeds at night, which isn’t very sustainable. But, by the end of 4 weeks, we have been able to transition from 3hr feeds to 4hr feeds, which has made a significant difference in the amount of sleep I can get in a 24hr period.

On another note, a lot of people have asked me how I feel after my c-section, and I have to say that the surgery itself was absolutely painless and the recovery has been incredible. I do have an amazing obstetrician, Tina Fleming from Grace Obstetrics, to thank. She made the smallest incision that any bikini wearing beach babe would be happy to have. In fact, I was up walking the night of surgery and have been able to walk the dogs around the park since two weeks post partum. During the first month after giving birth, I haven’t done anything other than a short 30min walk with the dogs and the twins in the park to get some fresh air and out of the house, which has been really good for my body, mind and soul. During my pregnancy, I put on 33kgs and was seriously uncomfortable in my body, due to all the extra weight, but after just 1 week of giving birth to the twins I lost 11 kilograms! After 2 weeks of giving birth and sitting at home I had lost 15 kilograms, by the 3rd week and being able to start slowly walking I had lost 17 kilograms.  Finally, a month after giving birth, I have lost 19 kilograms. I’m actually pretty confident that I could have lost a considerable amount more weight if I had of wanted to. But, that hasn’t been my goal, as being able to give my babies breast milk has been my priority, and to keep my milk supply up I have to eat a hell of a lot of food. Another benefit of expressing, is that you know exactly how much milk you are producing each feed, enabling you to monitor it, in case you need to eat or drink more. The funny thing is, I always express the most amount of milk after I have eaten a large vegetarian pizza the night before! Not sure what it is, but I do know that the more I eat, the more milk I make, so focused weight loss is going to have to wait until my babies are big and strong.

A side effect of pregnancy, that I hadn’t prepared for, is the damage my pregnancy has had on my teeth; they have been completely stripped of enamel. I knew my teeth were feeling sensitive during my pregnancy, especially towards the end, but because I was pregnant I put visiting the dentist off, until after the babies were born. I finally went in for a check-up and clean 3 weeks post partum, and my dentist took one look at my teeth and, in a heartbeat, she said “Were you really sick during your pregnancy?”.  I replied “yes”, and told her I had been sick the entire pregnancy with uncontrollable vomiting, which caused me to be emitted to hospital 3 times. I informed her that I had been on strong prescription medication until the day before giving birth, to prevent me from vomiting. She said that my teeth have been completely eroded, due to the acid from vomiting so much, and that if I wanted to keep my real teeth that I am going to need veneers to protect them. She said that she could not believe how much damage my teeth had endured during pregnancy and that looking into my mouth was like looking into a totally different person’s mouth. My dentist suggested that the first step to healing my teeth was 9 fillings! She said that they needed to be done immediately, in order to prevent further decay, and that there are a few others that she will keep an eye on. I have been going to this particular dentist for years now, because she is very honest and certainly doesn’t run a money grabbing practice, which I have experienced in the past. So, when I got my prognosis, I was pretty shocked, to say the least. I told my dentist that I was considering having one more pregnancy, and she consequently advised me to hold off on the veneers, until after I have finished making babies. I was thinking that I needed to hold off on the veneers so that I can save up for them! But, if losing my healthy teeth is the sacrifice I have to make in order to be a mum to my two beautiful babies, I would more than happily do it all again.

Being a mum is the best thing I have ever done in my life and whilst I’m in the vortex of newborn motherhood, I feel like having more kids close together is a good idea. I have definitely had a lot of light bulb moments about what is important and both Brad and I are going to make some changes to ensure that we can both continue to pursue our passions, whilst also having enough time and energy to be able to be with our kids. I figure that no one grows old and wishes that they had worked more, bought more or had more material things. But rather, wished that they had more quality time with friends and family, pursued their passions, and enjoyed the world’s wonders. With a heart filled with love, a new outlook on life and even more motivation to create my lifestyle of choice, I’m super excited for my future and even more present in the moment.

The third trimester has hit me like a ton of bricks. All the extra energy that I gained during my second trimester has depleted, and everyday tasks feel almost impossible to complete. I officially finished all of my face-to-face work commitments at 32 1/2 weeks, and I seriously do not know if I could have continued any longer. Knowing me, though, I would have pushed through whatever was necessary if required, which I am not so sure is a good attribute when you’re heavily pregnant with twins. I remember, at the 30-week mark, I took my two dogs Shanti and Shiva for their morning walk, and my little (now big) body, said “enough”. I only managed to waddle one-third of the way around the park before collapsing on the couch for the rest of the day. At 33 weeks, both of my babies were over 4 pounds each, and smack-bang at average size for a singleton for their gestation. I think, because I have two placentas and have been consuming mountains of, that they are getting all the nutrients and goodness that they need.

I’ve been very lucky, as I haven’t developed any stretch marks on my belly, which I think is a combination of both genetics and my daily application of pure rosehip oil on the necessary areas. I have gained more than 50% of my original body weight and my pubic bone has started to give me some grief. This initially happened when I unexpectedly had to cover a dynamic Vinyasa Yoga class on my last week of work and I was more focused on my students than I was on myself. However, since being able to put my feet up and simply roll between the bed and the couch, the pain has gone away. My back has been great and I haven’t had any issues in that department, which has also been very lucky and might have something to do with my many years of teaching and practicing Pilates.

This trimester, I booked myself in for an amazing home consultation with Rebecca Lackie from Gold Coast Physio for Women. She specializes in pregnancy and postnatal pain, incontinence, prolapse and pelvic floor concerns, as well as lymphedema and returning to exercise after childbirth. I have always wanted to have a consult with a specialized physiotherapist that can accurately test the strength and activation of my pelvic floor, and now seemed like a great excuse to finally indulge. Rebecca came over to my house with her cool little ultrasound device and I had my bladder full of water ready to go.  We literally watched my pelvic floor activate, lifting my bladder on command, which I thought that was pretty cool! I obviously have an unusual interest in these types of things  There is also an internal test, which we are going to do after the twins are delivered, as, even though I’m having a cesarean (both of my babies are breached and in a dangerous position for natural birth), my pelvic floor can still be damaged in the final stages of pregnancy. The great news is, that my pelvic floor is still strong and without issues, however, my linear alba the fibrous structure, that runs down the midline of your abdominals, has split 4 finger-widths apart. This is to be expected considering how big my babies are and how small I was to start with. Rebecca said that, from her ten years experience working in women’s’ health, she has noticed that the women who have the strongest abdominals tend to split the most, but return the fastest. So, in other words, there is no need to worry, and she is confident that I’ll get my abs back. It was great connecting with Rebecca, as not only did she have lots of great information on women’s health, she also has twins herself and had lots of great advice for me in that department.

Towards the end of your third trimester, mine being only 37 weeks, you obviously need to pack your nappy bag and hospital bag so that you are ready to go when either your waters break or you have your first contraction. Most twins decide that they want to be born at around 35 weeks, and therefore I was ready to be rushed to the hospital from that point. However, my little babies are both breached, and therefore not putting any pressure on my pelvis that would encourage an early delivery. Thus, I am scheduled for a c-section, and lucky enough to have one of my longest and best friends, Bridget, as the assistant surgeon. My obstetrician, Tina Fleming, actually had the idea, as she has worked with Bridget in the past, and suggested having Bridget there. Without any hesitation, I agreed.  It will be a blessing to share this experience with her, and to have her support during the birth.

Speaking of support, I had to buy myself some new maternity underwear this trimester, as my undies were digging into the front of my tummy. The funniest thing was going to Big W and upgrading from a size 8 undies to a size 18! They had sold out of all the other sizes in maternity wear, but my main priority was comfort and they tick that box. The only problem was, that after a couple of washes, they didn’t fit me very well anymore.  The next solution was to venture to Harbor Town outlet stores, after my consultation with Tina from Grace Obstetrics at Gold Coast Private Hospital, and buy myself some more fitting night wear and underwear to wear in the hospital during my stay (as what I had been wearing at home certainly wasn’t fit for public view)!

With everything ready to go for the big arrival, this will be my last blog post until the babies are earth bound, which is expected to be Monday June 13th (can you believe it Gemini Twins!!!). If pregnancy has taught me anything, it is how to truly ‘surrender’ and, it has made me realize that I am not 100% in control, as I had previously thought I was. I’ve really had to learn to work with the unexpected, and be prepared for the worst, yet hope for the best, at all times. Running a business, these teachings come up all the time and I am pretty good at managing all sorts of intense situations work-wise, but never has my health been out of my control.  This has been a huge awakening experience for me. My pregnancy has been far from a smooth sailing experience, having had three traumatic hospital experiences, forcing me to be on anti-vomit medication the entire pregnancy and with 1/3 of my face breaking out in a painful rash, which in the end had to be medicated after trying every holistic alternative option available. I have developed a richer level of self-awareness through my morning meditations and daily contemplations, whilst processing all these changes that are out of my control. I have peeled away layers of vanity, ego and attachment, cultivating a less attached, deeper and wiser person from this journey. Like my beloved friend Fred DeVito would say “If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.’

Thank you for all the lessons, learning’s and letting goes pregnancy; I’ll see you in motherhood.